Okay. Here Goes.

Cannonball Read, Books 4, 5, 6, and 7

Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer

...not to mention the 'Twilight' movie...

ugh, just kill me now.

Shut up, shut up. I know.

My entire office has read the books. The day the movie opened, they all bought advanced tickets and went together as a group. My roommate tried to get me to read Twilight, but I stood firm that I wouldn't read them. The sad part is that it wasn't because I knew they were horrible. It was because I have a tendency to get sucked in to horrible things, and I knew this would be no exception.

I like to think I have good taste. 'The Godfather', Parts 1 & 2, are my favorite movies. 'The Wire' is, by far, the best show ever on television. Radiohead is the best band of my generation. That being said, I also have an unabashed love for 'Bring it On', 'The O.C.', and Rihanna. Even though I hate it, I watch 'The Hills' every week. You think it's the goth teens that these books are written for? Everyone I know who's read them (which is a lot more people than you would expect) is just like me - 20s, decent taste, gorgeous...you know, normal.

A week and a half ago, I went to Austin for work. This left me with plane rides and college fairs that left plenty of time for reading. I read the book and the magazine that I brought. Thursday, December 4th, I picked up Twilight at the airport for $7. I finished Breaking Dawn yesterday.

When I first started reading Twilight, I probably laughed out loud at 90% of the first 50 pages of the book. The woman italicizes random words. For instance, I noticed the word "get" is italicized randomly throughout the book, and in ways that don't make sense. "When you get to the store, could you get me some ice?" Awesome. She also follows sarcastic sentences up with lines such as 'Heavy sarcasm.' I guess we're too stupid to figure it out for ourselves.

As for the stellar writing, every other line is something along the lines of:

"I tried not to look at him..."

or

"He didn't even notice me..."

or

"I tried not to be aware of him, or at least I tried not to let him know that I was aware of him..."

or (my personal favorite which is uttered at least 20 times in this section of the book...)

"His eyes were dark."

There are entire chapters of each book that could've been left out. Let me be clear about this people...these books are not good.

That being said, after that first 50 pages, there was no going back for me.

I'm not gonna recap (hell, this is already long enough and you can read that anywhere else), but I will say this: Twilight is quick, easy, and entertaining, but it's nothing but romantic fluff. New Moon is significantly better and more interesting, but not really worth your time. Eclipse and Breaking Dawn both bring on massive amounts of the absurd, but still managed to keep me reading. Hell, there was even a point in Breaking Dawn when I gasped out loud at something, put the book down, then thought to myself, "Wait, wait. I think these books are actually good!" before I snapped out of it and kept reading.

The movie...well, the movie's crap. No shock there. I'll still buy it when it comes out on DVD.

In conclusion, I cannot, in good faith, recommend these books. Unless of course, you're like me, 20s, decent taste, gorgeous, and you know what you're getting into.

Now please excuse me while I go read my bootlegged, unfinished copy of 'Midnight Sun' ...It's from Edward's point of view...SQUEE!

just in case.
jim is inappropriate.

Because the girls did there 5 freebies, and I'm powerless to burgeoning trends, tada:


1) Christian Bale (can't he just be alllll of them?) - I have mounds of unwavering affection for this man. He can do no wrong. True story: My friend Laura and I made a fan website about him back in like 1996. Sadly, I just looked for it and Tripod took it down. Bastards. When I broke up with my ex, my boss took down the pictures of him out of my office while I was home packing and crying, and replaced them all with pictures of Christian.

Oh, Lawrie...

2) Gael Garcia Bernal - yummmmmmmm. yummmmmmmmmm. My coworker and I often send emails to each other with nothing but this picture full-sized and the work "BAM!" in the subject. It makes all the days better.

3) Scott Speedman - I started out hardcore Noel. I still love me some Scott Foley, but when Felicity starting falling head-over-heels again for Ben at the end of Season 1, I fell with her. My friend Laura (same Bale friend) and I used to rewind the kiss on the season finale when he jumps across the table over and over again. TMI?

4) Nathan Fillion - I don't know what it is about this man but everytime I see him on screen I just light up. I've watched Dr. Horrible a trillion times. On Firefly, he makes me swoon the whole time I'm watching it. Hell, even creepy Nathan Fillion on Buffy does it for me. I just mmmmmm.

5) Mos Def - Seriously, Mos Def is the only man I can look at a picture of and EVERY TIME, WITHOUT FAIL , I get physically turned on by it.

Honorable mention in case one of these guys does something to turn me off:

Jason Dohring - because he makes me melt and I miss Veronica Mars.

Cannonball Read, Book 3

Surivor - Chuck Paluhniuk

"There’s always the chance you could die right in the middle of your life story."

I've always considered myself a fan of Paluhniuk. The rub is that I haven't even read enough of him to call myself that. I read Fight Club 10 or so years ago, and Haunted and Rant when the both came out (2005 and 2007, respectively), and every time I read another, I love him a little bit more. So I've sort of made it my mission to go back and read all the ones I never got around to reading...like I'm doing with Vonnegut.

Survivor will not end up being my favorite Paluhniuk novel. It probably won't even merit inclusion in a best of Paluhniuk novels list. However, it is definitely worth the read, as it is a pretty entertaining satire of American culture. In short, the story begins as Tender Branson, the last surviving member of the Creedish religion/cult, tells his life story to a black box on a plane that's about to crash into the Australian outback. He tells of his childhood (or lack thereof), leaving the complex to become a virtual slave to a wealthy normal couple, the end of the Creedish people, and his forced inclusion into the mainstream as a religious icon. The novel is dark and funny, at times you may even felt guilty for laughing, but you'll enjoy it every step of the way.

Now, which of his novels should I take on next?

I want to sleeeeeeeeep.
I seriously just need to sleep. Then I'll be okay.
Seeing as how I have kickball tonight and darts playoffs tomorrow night, I don't see that happening in the near future.
In other news, football is stupid and hurtful, so I'm just gonna watch the Hornets from now on. I could be a basketball fan.
I'm so sad Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Island is over. Luckily there's another one already in production. But, but. Without my Kenny and Johnny Bananas? Meh.
(Not really meh, though, as I am ALL OVER that shit when it starts.)
Sleeeeeep.

The Pajibettes took over www.pajiba.com today. It was fantastic...all leading up to this work of art: http://www.pajiba.com/the-first-annual-dildoscara-awards.htm
Go read the site a lot.

There's nothing like being on page 20 of a book, and having to put it down for the 4th time because you can't stop balling...and the lady next to you keeps offering tissues, and you're trying to explain to her between sobs why you're crying and why you swear you're okay...because you're on an airplane.
If you're from New Orleans, DO NOT read this one in public. If you're not from New Orleans, I can't attest to how it will affect you in public. Either way, READ THIS BOOK.


Cannonball Read, Book 2

A Season of Night - Ian McNulty

Ian is a regular at the pub I frequent. I've spoken to him few times, but he was nice enough to let me pay for his book in layaway installments, so I'm all about supporting friends of friends.

Hurricane Katrina was 3 years ago. I remember saying over and over again for the first 2 years that I just wanted to go through one day, just one day, where I didn't think about it. No one would bring it up in conversation and nothing would remind me of it. Then one day it happened. Or rather, didn't happen. These days are few and far between, but they exist nonetheless, and whenever I realize they happened, there's another sigh of relief.
When Ike happened the first week of September, it made everyone realize that we still felt the loss and the stress of Katrina completely...most of us just covered it up with day-to-day routines. Before we started evacuating, some friends and I sat at Finn McCool's crying, talking about how we couldn't do it again. It was heartbreaking all over again.
The thing that most people don't realize is the part that actually affects us. We all either stayed in New Orleans to watch the city fall apart, or we watched it on televisions spread across the country. What most people don't realize is this isn't really where the pain comes from. Most of us were in shock...just as those who weren't from New Orleans, but I didn't even cry until a week later. I remember it completely, the first time I cried. Stephen Patterson, one of the owners of Finn's sent a text message (our only means of communicating with any of our friends) to Paul and I that talked about Finn's being underwater. That was the moment it hit me and I started crying...until I eventually cried myself to sleep. I'm babbling, I know this, but I have a point...

People have written books and memoirs about 'Katrina, the hurricane'. This is the first book that I've been aware of wherein 'Katrina, the aftermath' is the focus. It tells the story of Ian's love for New Orleans, his need to come home to it, and an attempted return to normalcy that none of us have completely reached. For me, it touched me so deeply because although I barely know Ian, after reading this book I'm actually embarrassed that he's told me so much of him and he knows so little of me. That's not quite true, though, because my Katrina story is written in between every line in his book. In reading the book, I found myself remembering every time I came back to New Orleans (before finally moving back the first week of January), every time I missed it.
The smell, oh god, the smell. Ian tries in many different ways to explain it, but I don't think there are words that can do it justice. After I returned from my Ike evacation, I came to my parents house to find their garage flooded. When I walked into it, the overwhelming "Katrina" smell, just hit me and I fell to the floor in tears.
And the trash...I remember the West End median being stacked with garbage, towering over the houses (or lack thereof) that lined the streets.

ANYWAY, I realize this is long, and in no way a review. Since I read the book yesterday, I've just been overwhelmed with all these memories and emotions, and I suppose I just needed to release them somehow. And what better way to do that than writing to an invisible someone on a blog no one reads, right? Right.

IN CONCLUSION, the city is not finished. When I woke up this morning in Seattle, it occured to me that I could keep sleeping as long as I wanted. There was no hammering or drilling or sawing outside. It was just quiet. It took me waking up to that to realize that we still hear it all the time. So all of you may have forgotten...hell it's been a couple of years, but it's still very much a part of our everyday life.

...And if another goddamn parent asks me about it while recruiting, I swear I'm gonna just punch...grrr...

Cannonball Read, Book 1

The Sirens of Titan - Kurt Vonnegut

I once dated a wonderful guy who adored Vonnegut. Seeing as how I'd never read a single one of his books, I decided to start. I read Cat's Cradle, Mother Night, and half of about 5 of his other books, but The Sirens of Titan was the one that really stuck with me...I considered it one of my favorite books, period. It occured to me recently that because it had been so long ago that I read them, I remembered very little about any of them...including a book that I still proclaim to be a favorite. Sooooo, I decided to start my Cannonball Read off with Vonnegut.
I've never thought of myself as a very good reviewer...mainly because I've never really tried to review anything. So rather than actually reviewing books, I'll just say a little about them and how they make me feel. It's possible that some of these reviews may actually just be "I liked it." or "This book sucked." but hey, whatever, it's my blog, bitches.

I'm so glad that I read this book again. I love it just as much as I did the first time I read it. It's the kind of book that makes the world a little happier. (See, told you I'm a shit reviewer...) Basically, Vonnegut uses the book to reduce the meaning of life down to a small simple message, but does so in a way that shows how expansive it is. I can't say anything that would justify how beautifully written this book is...so just read it if you haven't. Oooh, here's a quote!

"I was a victim of a series of accidents. As are we all." - Unk

Oh, and of course, because they have to ruin everything: http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1557119/20070413/story.jhtml
At least this guy seems to really care about the book...

I have no interest whatsoever in driving to Houston very late tonight, then driving a 2-hour traffic drive across stupid Houston in the morning AND Thursday morning just to have some bratty students ignore me because they have no interest in coming to a city that was flooded on the national news.

I think I would do better recruiting if I just gave out free booze. I'd go to any college that offered free booze.

Stupid work paying me stupid money to only work 4 hours in the next 3 days and spend the rest of the stupid time getting drunk with my stu--no, awesome cousin. Okay, maybe the job's not toooo stupid.

I keep meaning to liveblog the Real World/Road Rules challenges (because it's my favorite show in the entire world)...but it turns out I'm lazy and I mostly just watch them while playing Solitaire and going "Ohhhhh shit! That bitch is craaaazy!" the whole time. Maybe eventually.

HAHAHA...I went to google images to find a RW/RR challenge pic, and I came across this one to the left from The Gauntlet 3. I click on it, save it, then look down...and where did I find it? From one Mr. Dan Carlson @ Slowly Going Bald. Awesome.

blogging on blogspot. woohoo!
i'm thinking about starting Cannonball Read...
my new goals in life...read and write more. stop spending all my damn money.