Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Okay. Here Goes.

Cannonball Read, Books 4, 5, 6, and 7
Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer
...not to mention the 'Twilight' movie...
ugh, just kill me now.

Shut up, shut up. I know.
My entire office has read the books. The day the movie opened, they all bought advanced tickets and went together as a group. My roommate tried to get me to read Twilight, but I stood firm that I wouldn't read them. The sad part is that it wasn't because I knew they were horrible. It was because I have a tendency to get sucked in to horrible things, and I knew this would be no exception.

I like to think I have good taste. 'The Godfather', Parts 1 & 2, are my favorite movies. 'The Wire' is, by far, the best show ever on television. Radiohead is the best band of my generation. That being said, I also have an unabashed love for 'Bring it On', 'The O.C.', and Rihanna. Even though I hate it, I watch 'The Hills' every week. You think it's the goth teens that these books are written for? Everyone I know who's read them (which is a lot more people than you would expect) is just like me - 20s, decent taste, gorgeous...you know, normal.
A week and a half ago, I went to Austin for work. This left me with plane rides and college fairs that left plenty of time for reading. I read the book and the magazine that I brought. Thursday, December 4th, I picked up Twilight at the airport for $7. I finished Breaking Dawn yesterday.

When I first started reading Twilight, I probably laughed out loud at 90% of the first 50 pages of the book. The woman italicizes random words. For instance, I noticed the word "get" is italicized randomly throughout the book, and in ways that don't make sense. "When you get to the store, could you get me some ice?" Awesome. She also follows sarcastic sentences up with lines such as 'Heavy sarcasm.' I guess we're too stupid to figure it out for ourselves.
As for the stellar writing, every other line is something along the lines of:
"I tried not to look at him..."
or
"He didn't even notice me..."
or
"I tried not to be aware of him, or at least I tried not to let him know that I was aware of him..."
or (my personal favorite which is uttered at least 20 times in this section of the book...)
"His eyes were dark."
There are entire chapters of each book that could've been left out. Let me be clear about this people...these books are not good.

That being said, after that first 50 pages, there was no going back for me.
I'm not gonna recap (hell, this is already long enough and you can read that anywhere else), but I will say this: Twilight is quick, easy, and entertaining, but it's nothing but romantic fluff. New Moon is significantly better and more interesting, but not really worth your time. Eclipse and Breaking Dawn both bring on massive amounts of the absurd, but still managed to keep me reading. Hell, there was even a point in Breaking Dawn when I gasped out loud at something, put the book down, then thought to myself, "Wait, wait. I think these books are actually good!" before I snapped out of it and kept reading.

The movie...well, the movie's crap. No shock there. I'll still buy it when it comes out on DVD.

In conclusion, I cannot, in good faith, recommend these books. Unless of course, you're like me, 20s, decent taste, gorgeous, and you know what you're getting into.
Now please excuse me while I go read my bootlegged, unfinished copy of 'Midnight Sun' ...It's from Edward's point of view...SQUEE!

4 comments:

Sofi said...

I don't think I get what you're trying to get at, but I know that I loved your review because you actually get those silly little details.

Lainey said...

So, what if you're in your 30's, decent taste and gorgeous? Heavy sarcasm. You get that I'm talking about me, right?

jamiepants said...

HAHAHA, you're adorable laineypants.

Mr. Controversy said...

I'm almost done with the first book...and while it's not as much of a suckfest as the movie, I'm actually kinda getting into it. Not as much as Harry Potter, but it's distracting enough.

Think I can make it through to the end alive?