Thursday, August 14, 2003

So, since xanga is down the one time i can't seem to stop posting, i remembered that i had this why not post on it =)

so my post from 2 days ago (the 12th) (wordpad has been my xanga sub):

here i go here i go here i go again, girls what's my weakness, men.
beginning a relationship is scary. for me, at least. i'm generally not a lonely person, but the second i start to belong to someone, i get...lonely. it could be the 15 minute car ride on a barren interstate and coming home to an empty house i guess, but really...i find that i guess i just get wrapped up in emotion, and it get's lonely in my head. i don't know...
so yeah it's scary. it's like...the second i start to actually care about someone, all of my little insecurities come out...except maybe they're not that little sometimes. i just feel like, sure...i was a good, fun idea at first...but it's not really all it's cracked up to me, and any minute he's gonna realize that i'm probably the lucky one. i'm full of stupid fears. and i know you're probably reading this...hi, how are you. and somewhere someone else is probably reading this and judging me, but whatever, i'm tired, i don't care.
i guess i just don't really know how to handle caring. eventually...there's gonna be a point of hard to return from and that's really scary. what if i get there alone? what if i don't measure up to some crappy unrealistic idea of me? seems to be a pattern there somewhere. assuming the crash position.
ANYWAY...i feel like i'm running out of particular time, just all of it...with the 40+ hour work schedule to try to make up for some of my enormous debt and my lotsa hours school fast approaching...there's never any time *que jesse spano*
goodnight all, even though xanga's not working so i'm writing this on's night where i am (2 am, actually)...
to end on a happy note...

Holy cow, I think I've got one here
Now just what am I supposed to do?
I've got a number of irrational fears
That I'd like to share with you
First, there's rules about old goats like me
Hangin round with chicks like you, but I do like you
And another one, you say "like" too much
But I'm shakin at your touch
I like you way too much
My baby, I'm afraid I'm falling for you
and I'd do bout anything to get the hell out alive
Or maybe I would rather settle down with you
Holy moly, baby, wouldn't you know it?
Just as I was bustin loose
I gotta go turn in my rock star card
and get fat and old with you
cuz I'm a burning a candle you're a gentle moth
teaching me to lick a little bit kinder
And I do like you, you're the lucky one
No, I'm the lucky one
Holy Sweet goddamn, You left your cello in the basement
I admired the glowing the stars and tried to play a tune
I can't believe how bad I suck, it's true
What could you possibly see in little old 3-chord me?
But it's true, you like me, I like you too
I'm ready, let's do it baby

Next day...3:23 pm

i feel much better, today...despite that i stole the boy's cold.
i am the man...i will win at pool tonight, i will win at pool tonight.

well...i so did not win at pool. i did very well, and lost every game...against their team captain...bastards.
i feel woozy, i don't wanna go to work, and i need to get some play.
pensacola pics!

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